I Should Tell You
by Katia-chan
Summary: An accidental meeting and a sweet gesture at the Zodiac banquet force Rin to wonder if breaking Haru's heart to protect him is the right thing, or if she's just too much of a coward to find a better way. [slight RinXHaru]


I Should Tell You

By Katia-chan

A/N: This has been in the works for a while, but took it's time being written. As usual, not sure if I'm completely satisfied with it, but think it turned out decently, and hope yall agree.

Dedication: To Windswift, dancer extraordinaire, and to Adi88, who said that this song should be a fic, and left me with no other choice.

…I dedicate pretty much everything to these two, because I love them shamelessly, and if you haven't read their fiction, then shame on you. Shame shame.

Disclaimer: Not Rent, not FB, not anything. So there.

Enjoy!

XXX

I Should Tell You I'm Disaster

I Forget How To Begin It

Let's Just Make This Part Go Faster

I Have Yet -- To Be In It

I Should Tell You

Roger and Mimi – Rent

There are too many people around her, and she finds it hard to breathe. It should be impossible to feel this crowded in such a big house, but her chest is tight and she can't shake the suffocating feeling. Everyone smiles at her, and she'd really like to hit them in their lying mouths. She knows they'd sooner bite her than give a damn, so she doesn't stop to make nice as she pushes through the crowd.

Ahead she sees that there's a side chamber, and she makes a break for it, slipping inside and drooping against the wall in relief. It's quiet here, and she's grateful for the peace.

"Rin?" She almost falls backwards out of the doorway, whipping her head around to see who had already stolen her hiding place. Her heart stops and sinks when she sees him sitting against the opposite wall, staring at her.

"Ah…Haru, dammit, don't…startle me like that," she falters, wanting nothing more than to run back out of the room. She can't though, she can barely move her feet at all. He smiles at her, getting to his feet. She backs up a little and he looks a little crestfallen, subsiding to leaning against the wall.

"Couldn't take the festivities, huh," he says mildly, though his eyes never leave her face. She knows he's looking for something, and she resents him for it. This is hard enough without him trying to read her soul off of her face.

"No, I love them," she snaps, crossing her arms. He just smiles, mimicking her gesture.

"Yeah, that's why you're hiding back here with me." She glares, cursing the damned wall for being so solid; keeping her from melting backwards through it.

"I didn't know you were back here, or I wouldn't have come." She flings the words at him desperately, hoping at least one will hit its mark. He nods slowly, keeping his expression neutral.

"Guess I'm lucky then," he murmurs. She's furious, because what can she say to that?

"I'm leaving as soon as it clears up a little out there, so stop getting your hopes up." He'd been looking a little sad before under her verbal beating, but now he starts to relax, comfortable as she yells. She starts to panic, because she can't leave, and she definitely can't stay.

"Ok," is all he says, and goes silent. She continues to scowl at him, but eventually gives up, because he's not paying attention now.

Maybe she really can't touch him anymore.

They sit in silence, and it's tense and it hurts and she can't get away from it. Once she tries to leave, but suddenly it's too much work. She can't get up the proper anger to storm convincingly out of the room, and she needs that as a shield, and to make him believe it. It's too hard, it's hard enough lying and convincing herself.

Her attention snaps to him when he pushes slowly away from the wall, crossing the room. He reaches out and grabs her hand. She tries to jerk it away.

"What the hell are you doing? Let go you idiot." He shakes his head.

"Listen to that," he says. Despite the fact that she's certain he's very aware he's shattering every single one of her boundaries into little pieces, he still sounds casual.

Bastard.

"What? Haru, you're being…" he shushes her, and she does listen. There's music going on in the main banquet hall. She's about to open her mouth to tell him that she still has no idea what the hell he's going on about, until he puts his other hand on her waist.

"Shut up," he says mildly. The ass still sounds like this isn't anything; doesn't he realize that it's going to kill them? How much it's going to hurt?

When he starts to lead her around the room she wants to object, she wants to hit him and run away, but instead she finds herself closer to him. Her brain is screaming at her, but something else in her head tells it to shut up. That part wins.

The music picks up, and so do they. He pulls her around the room, and she's mildly surprised to realize that Haru, despite his apparent lack of everything suave, is a good dancer. She tightens her hand on his arm, stepping. It takes her a second to realize he's laughing at her.

"What?" she snaps.

"Stop leading," he comments lightly, spinning her around and making her lose her balance.

"I'll lead if I want to," she mutters, but he's back in control of the dance already. He's still laughing, and she can't help but join in, almost hysterically.

It's so nice to be lost, so nice not to care. She knows she should keep a hold of herself, but she doesn't. It's so much easier just to let go, to melt, and she doesn't think about how much this will hurt them later, doesn't think about anything at all. They're lost, they're burning, and it's wonderful.

They dance, and he somehow avoids stepping on her feet, and she avoids intentionally kicking him when he dips her and her whole body goes weightless. It's terrifying and she loves it. There's something that feels right about being at his mercy, and though she hates to admit it, it's thrilling to be in his arms again.

The wild spinning and crazy laughing start to come to a close as the music starts to slow and end. As its pulse slows, hers quickens, almost choking her with the sudden rush of reality.

"Rin…" he murmurs, bending so his face is close to hers.

Regret leaves a metallic taste in her mouth, makes her sick. What has she done? What was she thinking?

"Don't," she gasps, out of breath from dancing and pure and complete fear. He touches her face gently, and his skin burns against hers.

"Why are you lying to me?" he's barely whispering, but the question rings through her head, pounding behind her eyes.

He's looking at her, and he can see what she's thinking, see how little she hates him. He knows that she could stay, knows that that's what she wants. Her face gives it all away.

She could admit it, stop his pain, and maybe ease the guilt that settles all over her. It would be so easy to just give in and end all of this, let them both rest.

"I'm not lying, you idiot," she snaps, her throat tight. He needs to think he's wrong. It's the only choice, the only way.

She drops his hand, and she can see that she's won. He looks tired, and so defeated. He tries to catch her hand again, and she can see he's desperate now. He needs so much to think he was right. Couldn't she do that much for him, couldn't she lie…?

No.

Instead she pulls away from him and runs out of the room, her chest so tight she can't breathe.

And he doesn't follow.

Trusting Desire - Starting To Learn

Walking Through Fire without A Burn

Clinging - A Shoulder, A Leap Begins

Stinging And Older, Asleep On Pins

So Here We Go

Now we,

Oh no.

I know,

Oh no.

Who knows where, who goes there.

Here goes

XXX

TTFN

Katia-chan


End file.
